Jay Schryer is an online friend I have known through Facebook for several years now. I have always enjoyed his insights and unique take on “reality”. Today he posted what I think is at the essence of relationships. Even though I was once married for 12 years I have never actually gone all the way to piercing the illusion then going on to enjoy the fruits of the labor. My life was never meant to go that direction. I do, though, see the truth in what he writes here through watching my sons who have both gone all the way to beautiful lasting relationships. Thank you Jay, for agreeing to being a guest blogger here.
In the beginning, all relationships are illusion.
The illusion of who he thinks she is, and the illusion of who she thinks he is. The illusion of who she wants him to think she is, and the illusion of who he wants her to think he is. His best foot forward, her best foot forward, and both of them dancing to the twin tunes of expectations and projections. “I believe you are *this*, will you please see me as *that*?” “If you ignore *this*, I’ll ignore *that*, and we can perpetuate this illusion until our facades crack and the walls come tumblin (crumblin tumblin) down.”
It’s only then, after the walls have crumbled and the illusions have been pierced, that true knowing can begin. When the projections of perfection have shattered and revealed the broken messes inside, and when the shadows have eclipsed the egos, spilling out the “mama never loved me”s and the “daddy was never there for me”s; hot buttons of trigger words and raw pain.
Then (and only then) can true love begin to flow through the broken pieces, healing and restoring, strengthening and straightening the inner disasters that fill each of us, thereby pouring a solid foundation for the future.
Jay Schryer tells stories, and some of them are even true. When he’s not creating new worlds of science fiction and fantasy, he blogs about the intersection of spirituality and “real” life at http://jayschryer.com.