Piercing the Illusion of Relationships

Jay Schryer is an online friend I have known through Facebook for several years now. I have always enjoyed his insights and unique take on “reality”. Today he posted what I think is at the essence of relationships. Even though I was once married for 12 years I have never actually gone all the way to piercing the illusion then going on to enjoy the fruits of the labor. My life was never meant to go that direction. I do, though, see the truth in what he writes here through watching my sons who have both gone all the way to beautiful lasting relationships. Thank you Jay, for agreeing to being a guest blogger here.


In the beginning, all relationships are illusion.

The illusion of who he thinks she is, and the illusion of who she thinks he is. The illusion of who she wants him to think she is, and the illusion of who he wants her to think he is. His best foot forward, her best foot forward, and both of them dancing to the twin tunes of expectations and projections. “I believe you are *this*, will you please see me as *that*?” “If you ignore *this*, I’ll ignore *that*, and we can perpetuate this illusion until our facades crack and the walls come tumblin (crumblin tumblin) down.”

It’s only then, after the walls have crumbled and the illusions have been pierced, that true knowing can begin. When the projections of perfection have shattered and revealed the broken messes inside, and when the shadows have eclipsed the egos, spilling out the “mama never loved me”s and the “daddy was never there for me”s; hot buttons of trigger words and raw pain.

Then (and only then) can true love begin to flow through the broken pieces, healing and restoring, strengthening and straightening the inner disasters that fill each of us, thereby pouring a solid foundation for the future.

JayFBphotoJay Schryer tells stories, and some of them are even true. When he’s not creating new worlds of science fiction and fantasy, he blogs about the intersection of spirituality and “real” life at http://jayschryer.com.

2B or Not 2B Changed?

This just sort of came to me a few years ago but I am drawn to it again as we get closer to the “magical” year 2012 we have all been so excited about for so long. It does appear that real change (for the better) may be imminent but that is still the big question.

There was a time when men met to rampage through the halls of life raping and pillaging and having a marvelous time of it. That time is over. The last echoes of that time are fading yet many try to carry on as if nothing has changed. There will be dismay for those who can not see that a new time has come and that they are the ones who have become the endangered species. Ha Ha’s about the spotted owl come settling round their ears as their deeds die not with a bang but the infamous whimper.

Celebrate this passing! It is time to create a new earth. We start with nothing but the ruins of this previous civilization, not washed and scoured as was Atlantis. Still the detris all around in heaps and hollow monuments remain to remind us of our ruin. But this too will pass. Hollow shells left by past masters of brutality can be consecrated to new purpose and thus transformed to fit a gentler age. The new play is cast, the audience awaits. The playwrights and directors have fallen away to leave the cast to play as they would like. How shall we go brave troubadours? Shall we play light or dark, cunning or creative, venture to heights unimaginable or to old standby scripts of torture and longing? How shall we go?

*A Dirth of Really Interesting People?

If so, this may be the reason why…

“One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” Andre Gide

*”I need no warrant for being…”

“Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen.” John le Carre

And what places aren’t lonely unless we spend all of our efforts following the crowd? Perhaps the manic conformists are on to something after all, a shallow but nearly certain sanity.

I watch teens in awe as most find black to be their favorite color for clothing and hair and drag their pants after them as they slouch down the streets of their suburban and rural neighborhoods. The lonely outcasts, geeks and nerds wait out the loneliness while, unknowing, they may be finding their way to rich lives apart from the crowd. In my time in was poodle skirts and Gant shirts; we have gone from preppy to ghetto in a couple of generations. Strangely the pendulum of conformity swings while the misfits remain pretty much the same. They sit on the sidelines watching the parade, may even participate a bit, without knowing quite what to make of it. Eventually they will come to their own lives and understand that their loneliness may have saved them this nearly universal fate;

“We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.” Arthur Schopenhauer

And for those of us who take the road less traveled, we can join with this sentiment from Ann Rand;

“I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction.” Ayn Rand

Awards Ceremony

Drum Roll Please!!!

It’s time to bestow five awards to some of the wonderful people who make my little corner of the blogosphere a better place. Thank you again One Mystical Monkey for My First Blogger Award which alows me to honor others.

Though I know she just received the Thoughtful Blogger Award, I am still going to pass that award on to Gabrielle. Not only is her writing wonderfully evocative, she never fails to make you feel at home during your visit. How to Survive Suburban Life

Though I haven’t spent a lot of time at her site, I really think LJW deserves the Thoughtful Blogger Award because her whole blog is honoring others. Imagine. That blows my mind. REMARKABLE BLOGGERS
Honoring Bloggers

The Courageous Blogger Award I will pass to my son who is getting back in shape for Ironman triathlons after a long time away from working out. I think just the fact that he tells us each week what he weighs when he is not feeling good about that number is reason enough to bestow this award. The Road Back to Ironman

“I’ll pack up my emotional baggage and start breathing.” Ya gotta love it. That’s a quote from Universe in a Single Atom I haven’t spent a lot of time there either, it’s too much like reading my own writing, but I think the name of the blog is reason enough to bestow The Inspirational Blogger Award.

Thanks to all of you for making the blogosphere a rewarding place to spend some time!

You may pick up your choice of graphics and read all about the awards at Writer’s Reviews

The Inspirational Blogger Award

For those bloggers who inspire others through their words and actions. With a positive attitude, and an uplifting spirit these bloggers make the blogosphere a better place, and encourage others to do the same. This award is for bloggers who rise up to set an example but continue to reach out and support others.

The Courageous Blogger Award

For those bloggers who are battling or have battled with physical and mental illness, those who are survivors of abuse, poverty, or who have overcome other challenges in life. Those who serve in the military or work/volunteer in dangerous situations in order to provide a service or to help others. This award is for the strong, the brave, and the courageous.

The Thoughtful Blogger Award

For those who answer blog comments, emails, and make their visitors feel at home on their blogs. For the people who take others feelings into consideration before speaking out and who are kind and courteous. Also for all of those bloggers who spend so much of their time helping others bloggers design, improve, and fix their sites. This award is for those generous bloggers who think of others.